Currently Listening Solid Gold Hits By Beastie Boys see related

I'm so bored in Muncie!  Please someone, anyone, call me now!

Currently Listening Fire By Electric 6 see related

With Halloween finally over, that means its that special time of year when Wal-Mart beats you over the head with plastic baby Jesuses (Or is it Jesui?  I never can figure that one out) and toy companies think people will buy anything with Darth Vader on it.  Ah yes, it truly is a magical time of year.  But what's that you say?  "What kind of Star Wars and/or other various crap should I buy this holiday season?"  Well friend, have I got the answer for you!  This year, instead of choosing between which DVD to get for your friend, just buy porno!  That's right, don't spend needless time and energy deciding if he'll like Die Hard or The Godfather, just get him Topless Brain Surgeons instead!  He'll love it!  Have a special lady in your life?  Just get her porno and watch her face light up at the thought of money shots and giant schlongs!  And its not just for young adults any more!  Are you still spending hours looking for that perfect gift for dear old mom, just get here some sweet ass tranny porn and you can be sure she'll always remember the "Tranny Christmas."  I know my mom does.  Speaking of mom, looking for that next Tickle Me Elmo or Furby?  Then just get your little tyke some Grade A girl on girl action and he'll love you as if he were your real child!  Hopefully I've helped you all just a little bit this holiday season and who knows, maybe next year you can spring for that facial your significent other has always wanted.

Currently Watching Night of the Lepus By Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh see related

Hey everyone, a friend of mine recently decided that he wanted to go out and party.  But this wasn't just any party, at this party he wanted to get drunk for the first time ever.  How'd things turn out for him?  Lemme give you a timeline of the night and you can judge for yourself.

11:00 PM - My friend and I arrive at said party.  He proceeds to tell me that he wants to get completely drunk.  I let him.  Coincidentally, that wasn’t a good idea.

11:12 PM - Friend proceeds to get two beers, fours shots of cheap vodka, and about half a plastic cup full of even more vodka.

11:15 PM - Friend finishes all of said alcohol.

11:20 PM – Friend is told not to drink any more. 

11:22 PM – Friend drinks 2 more shots.

11:24 PM – Friend sits down on couch, listens intently to boring story.

11:45 PM – Friend jumps up and tells everyone he has a girlfriend, wants to play beer pong very badly.  Wants to “kick some ass”

11:48 PM – Friend completely loses at beer pong

12:08 AM – Friend stumbles around talking to people, tries to dance, falls over immediately.

12:20 AM – Friend sees 2 pairs of boobs, doesn’t remember them the next morning.

12:35 AM – Friend stumbles over to bad and pours two shots of vodka.  He quickly offers one for me, I tell him he should really stop drinking.  He quickly drinks both and says “Ha!  I drank one before you could stop me!”

12:48 AM – Friend complains of not feeling well, quickly lies down on couch.

12:49 AM – Friend throws up on couch, is told to leave.  Refuses to get up, screams and tries to fight me when I move him.

12:52 AM – Friend falls down outside.  I sit down for a bit.

1:15 AM – I try to get friend up to go home, he screams and gets violent once again.

1:18 AM – Friend falls into kiddy pool outside, lays down in it.

1:20 AM – Friend sits upright and says he has to pee.  Gets naked and pees into pool. 

1:25 AM – Naked, friend wants to go home.  I give him some dry pants.

1:30 AM – I take friend to his dorm room where he throws up 5 more times before blacking out.

3:00 PM – Friend wakes up wondering where his pants are, later finds them wet.  His phone is broken, he is sad and doesn’t remember anything.